My Lens

There have been several moments in my life where I become fully aware of the present and ponder on how I will feel and who I will be at a later date. For instance, at the beginning of my senior year of high school I envisioned who I would be a graduation and the experiences I would have. I'm often never right but those moments of complete awareness provide markers to my life that almost give me time to self evaluate.

It's scary to think that so much about you will someday change. Our lives aren't static, we're constantly changing as we are exposed to the world and its intricacies. And somehow, even though each human life is unique, we can find common ground and learn to sympathize.

We spend our lives becoming. Becoming famous. Becoming quiet. Becoming old. Becoming sentimental. Becoming better. Whatever we become, it is new and altering to our insides, to the spirit that makes us who we are.

I've always been taught that without opposites we can't live fulfilling lives. Without pain we cannot know joy. Without disaster we can't know calm. And that is what makes the future AND the past so vital. We don't see what we've become until we see where we've been.

Looking back, I don't ever want to go back to the person I was; but looking to the future, I know I will be so much better. And that's why we constantly have to be reevaluating and improving. After all, that is our purpose here in this mortal frame.

Much love always

-M

Remembering Lens

So this week was rough. Not in the "I just back-packed across the Grand Canyon" kind of way, but more in a "what the heck just happened" kind of way. I've mentally exhausted (and a little physically exhausted as well). Finals and four extra shifts at work can drain a person. I found it really hard to be positive, until I read my last post and reminded myself that no matter how bad life seems sometimes, it gets better and there are still good things despite the bad.

For instance, my friend K let me take her to a local cemetery this week to see the grave of her dear friend. It gave me the chance to remember my grandpa and all the good memories I have of him. It also reminded me how short and fragile life is.

I was also reminded of how important friends are. My friends really helped carry me through the week when I got really down or worried. They lifted me and reminded me how to have a little fun.

I was reminded how good God is and how much he really looks out for us whether we are happy, sad, or all the range of emotions in between.

Lastly, I was reminded of how lucky I am to have a car that actually works. That thing got me everywhere this week without dying or running out of gas. Talk about a blessing.

I hope you all continue to see the blessings even when it is really hard. Keep moving always!

-M

Positive Lens

I haven't posted in forever! With finals, moving, a new semester and preparation for my excursion to China, I've been extremely busy. But here I finally have a moment to try to shed some positivity on my recent life.

First of all, I'm surviving spring term. Spring term basically squeezes a regular 15 week semester into 7 weeks. I'm taking it to finish my last pre-requisites before I apply to my program. And as of right now, I'm not failing either of my classes! Success.

On top of managing my classes, I'm preparing for a trip to China. I'm going with my former program director to do a similar program as I did in Taiwan two years ago (I still can't believe that was two years ago). I am super excited to get to serve the people there and see the world from a different perspective. More will come on my experience there after I return.

I am another year older!

One of my dearest friends is leaving to serve an LDS mission next week. I'm gonna miss him a lot, but I am proud of his choice to set aside two years of his life to serve others in Brazil.

Things don't always go how we want them to, but I know that if we just keep pressing forward things will work out. They have a funny way of always doing so. Keep strong my friends. Look for the good in life.

-M

Good Vibes Lens

So this week I've decided I'm grateful for two things: humor and the Spirit. Random, yes. But that's not the point. Story time!

First, humor. Monday was April Fools day as many of you know and this year I actually did something! I pulled off the ultimate fake engagement prank on Facebook with my friend D. Who knew so many people could be so easily fooled ;) Prank aside, I got a heavy dose of laughter that day that I had not had in a long time. It felt so good! Laughter truly makes you feel so good, and since I've been so stressed this foreign laughter made my day.

Second, the Spirit. For those who don't know what the Spirit is, in the LDS church we believe that we can be comforted and taught by God's spirit. Some people think of it kind of like your conscience. So this week was my church's annual General Conference where our church leaders teach us about things they've felt inspired to share. I loved it a lot. I was so comforted and edified by the words of these dear servants from the Lord. They have a way of saying exactly what you need to hear. I would elaborate more but I don't think anyone has the energy to hear a long explanation on my thoughts about the 8 hours of sessions I watched. So suffice it to say, it was awesome and you should all watch it. 

Finals are coming up so I can't say if I'll write much more for a while. But keep looking for good everywhere. If you seek for it, it can be found.

Much love,
M

New Lens

I think I'm starting to repeat titles alot. Oh well. So I know I haven't written this month much, but I don't think I could have if I wanted to. The last month or so it was really hard to see the light in each day. I know good things surrounded me, but it was hard to see them when I was so focused on the stresses of life.

Today I want to point out the goodness of sunlight. Provo finally has been graced with relatively good weather and sunshine! It seems like an insignificant thing, but it is crazy how much a little good weather can change the morale of an apartment complex. Suddenly people want to do all the outside activities, work on homework on the lawn, and even sleep in the sunshine (I'm guilty of two of the three). It's such a simple pleasure, but one I am currently very thankful. 

I'm also thankful that I can get a college education. I'm pretty sure I complain to my roommate every single day about how busy I am, but deep down I know this busyness means I'm learning a lot, and for that I am grateful. To do wonderful things someday I know I need to make the most out of this opportunity.

This will be a short post, but I just wanted to encourage everyone to not fall in a slump like I did. Look for the good in EVERYTHING. I know if say this enough one day I'll actually believe and follow it so just bear with me. Good vibes everyone.

Much love always,

-M

Life Lessons Lens

Life can be hell. Lets face it. But those lows are the reason we can experience the highs. Life wasn't meant to be easy. We have to have experiences to make us strong and to learn to appreciate what we have.

Today I said goodbye to one of my grandfathers. It seems like you'd want to spend the last few days of someone's life recounting good memories, but that was just too hard. All I could manage was a final "I love you" that probably seemed so empty. But the beauty of the matter is that, no matter how unintelligible my words were, my grandpa still recognized that I was there and that I cared. And when it really comes down to it, that's what we all really want to know in life; that we are loved and supported no matter what. We don't need to give or be shown elaborate displays of affection. All we need is the knowledge that people care.

Today I also learned the necessity of normalcy and good humor. During my visit with my family I could have just sat there and cried for two hours; Or I could have inquired into the lives of my other relatives and joked with them about whatever. I chose the latter. Because it is easier to focus on the positive then dwell on the negative.

Lastly, I was reminded of how frail we are. We can try and be as strong as we want, but none of us are immune to trials and death. We need to just trust in God's timetable and make the most of every moment we have.

So love everyone. Remember those who have gone ahead and those who surround you in the present. Much love always.

-M

Failure Lens

As I recently noted on one of my social media sites, I feel like college has taught me that I have a great capacity to fail. This seems really morbid at first glance, but isn't necessarily intended to be that way. Realizing that I have a great capacity to fail is significant because I'm learning my outer bounds. I feel like failure is often one of the ways God directs us to the paths we need to be on. By all means, I'm not saying to give up if you fail. But keep in mind what your limitations are, and whether or not they are worth overcoming. Sometimes the better option may be to work around them and learn from your mistakes.

Along those lines, failure has taught me to focus on learning rather than reaching success markers. It's kinda the whole "find joy in the journey" concept that you need to try to learn and grow as a person and not focus on "making the grade" or climbing the success ladder of business. For instance, this semester at college has been the worst grades I've ever earned thus far in my school experience, but I feel like I've learned so much. I've learned how to look outside myself at a situation, how to memorize, and how to time manage (or how NOT to).

Failure is also a reminder that I am human. I have weaknesses. I am imperfect. I have lots of room to improve. And when I remember this I can be humble enough to take criticism and make necessary improvements. 

Its never too late to become better. Just remember that we are given trials and failures to remind us to constantly be improving. Much love.

-M

Life Lens

I apologize for the lack of material on here lately. Life has been busy in good and not so good ways. Some recent events have really forced me to think a little deeper about the value of life and the significance of doing the most with what we have.

My grandfather was recently hospitalized after slipping on ice and getting severe head trauma. My grandfather is very dear to me and it was so hard to imagine life without him. There were so many close calls where we thought he was gone after he had first been admitted to the hospital. But through the blessing of God he has so far pulled through. It's still hard, but he's alive and I've gotten to visit him on a couple of occasions. Those visits were such a blessing.

With his hospitalization I really started thinking how amazing it is that so many of us can live so long and accomplish so many things. It is truly a wonder that, no matter the length of lifespan, we can all do some good if we choose to. My grandpa has done a lot of good in his life time and I know that even if he had passed away that first day that he would still have lived a fulfilled life and that he was a positive impact. It made me realize that I need to change now and become that force of good. I've got no time to lose. If we think about it, all we really have is this moment. Nothing more is guaranteed. So we need to do our best with what we have.

Another experience I observed recently was the passing away of a resident assistant in my apartment complex. She was a bright, bubbly girl who, I felt, was a great example to those around her. Unfortunately, she experienced a physical trial that was more than her body could take and she was carried away to our Heavenly Father. 

Now I don't confess to know her that well. But I do know that she made the most of what she had. Her short life was likely well spent. 

Which leads to self evaluation: what are you doing with your life? Are you wasting it on trivial things or are you using the time you have to improve the lives of those around you?

It's our trials that tell us who we are. They give us experience, as well as opportunities to look outside ourselves. It is my hope that we don't have to go through the hard stuff to whip us into shape, but if we do, learn the lesson that is intended, don't dwell on the negative, and make someone else's life better.

-M

Good Enough Lens

I've really been pondering on the idea of being "good enough" lately. What constitutes being "good enough" and why are so many scales of this skewed? This is a very sensitive topic for some because it can be a life-long self battle of sorts.

One of the main reasons why this topic has been on my mind is because of my lovely supervisor L. L. is not afraid to tell me her opinion but at the same time doesn't force it upon me. She'll do anything she can to help me improve and grow. Basically she's the best :) Recently we were having a talk about confidence and my subtle lack of it. I intend to enter the field of business one day and we were talking about the fact that to be successful you have to have confidence in yourself and your ability to improve the lives of others. You have to know that you are capable of making a difference. As simple a concept as this is, it is so hard to embrace. And it isn't something you gain overnight, you have to work towards it. 

The gist of our conversation was basically that I needed to not doubt myself. I needed to trust myself and trust that I have had experiences through school and my personal life that have prepared me for this present moment and I am capable of achieving great things if I but apply myself. Maybe it is just natural tendency speaking but I found it hard to see myself as a "game-changer", a "difference maker", an "impact for good". These seem like hefty titles for a college freshman. 

But even more baffling to me was the fact that L. could explain this to me with such conviction while I sat in somewhat disbelief. What was the difference between our perspectives?

Maybe the difference is the same difference I experience when I try to explain to someone why they shouldn't give up, why they are worth something great. Distance gives us perspective, and so does experience.

Another reason this has been on my mind is because of my friend D. D recently challenged me and my FHE group (LDS thing) to create semester goals for ourselves in the categories of Mental, Physical and Spiritual. For my Mental goal I said I wanted to learn the concepts in my Economics class so well that I could explain them to others and get an "A" overall in the class. Seems a little silly right? Yes maybe, but here's my reasoning: I'm terrified for this class. It is one of the most failed courses at my college. And I have to do well in it to get into the business school. The pressure is on. Yes, I have other classes I need to do well in, but I've set my sights on this one in particular. For some reason I have this gut feeling that if I can achieve this goal then my self-confidence will increase. I will know personally that I can do something hard and that I will gain skills that will later help me help others.

Bringing this all back around to the original point, I feel like this inner "good enough" meter is directly connected to the amount of self-confidence we feel. You can pretend things all you want but the harsh reality is the inner-peace we feel towards ourselves is our guiding star. But rather than end on a negative note I'd like to say that we can all increase our self-confidence and become a better self. Baby steps my friends. They are absolutely necessary. Best wishes and I'd love to hear your personal take on this or any inspiring stories. Much love!

-M

January Lens

I've been as good about writing on here lately as I have in my journal (except I haven't written in my journal since August). Many good things in life have come and gone since the last time I wrote. In the end I think they all boil down to one thing: life is good, God is good, and life moves on. Let's peruse uninteresting facts about my life shall we?

My first semester at college ended and I did better than expected. Someone up above was really watching out for me. I don't confess to be knowledgeable when it comes down to it, I just know where to look for wisdom and knowledge. Another good thing about the semester is that I really enjoyed my professors. I don't think people are always as lucky as I am to get along incredibly well with those who are trying to supply me with useful knowledge.

Now that a new semester has started I can put last semester behind me and move on to a new, bright semester. It will be hard, lets be real here, but I'm excited about all the opportunities it will bring. I just have to keep telling myself that this semester will be great, even when I'm at the height of business and stress (please remind me of this every few weeks ok? thanks).

I saw my family over the break. I think separation really does make people draw closer together. I don't mean this to sound harsh but I think I was more excited to see my family and get along with them because I hadn't seen them in a while. Distance is God's way of giving us perspective.

Many friends and acquaintances have received mission calls and/or left for their missions. What a cool experience to see so many people dedicate their lives to their choice of service. I know many people outside the LDS faith dislike having the "Mormon Missionaries" knocking on their doors but I think it is just a misunderstanding. These missionaries are just trying to share something that makes them happy with others. Same as any other religion that sends out missionaries. I'm not saying people who don't invite missionaries into their homes are bad people, I just think we could all do better at understanding each other a little better.

I know there are more aspects of my life that have been good but I'm tired and I think you all now know more about me and my opinion than you ever needed to. ;) So let me know about the good you've all seen in life lately.

-M