I think I felt like writing today because I needed self assurance. I needed to put it on "paper". The topic up for discussion is confidence. Coming to college has been an incredible test of confidence and I'm still not sure if I'm passing.
I don't get homesick really so moving out wasn't too much of a shocking experience. I fortunately can take care of myself so I had confidence in my abilities to cook, do my laundry, clean my room, etc. I was fairly confident I could handle my classes because learning is something I enjoy and I feel like that's half the battle when it comes to doing well at school.
Now we come to my weakness: social and self confidence. That one is tough. I'll be honest and human in saying I don't have great self confidence. I am glaringly aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses and am daily reminded of them. I generally don't let them affect me because, honestly, there are more pressing matters in a day. But idle moments are my enemy, as are social gatherings. Quite moments of reflection can easily turn negative, and unless I am hosting a social gathering I am absolutely terrified of them. I'm not skilled at meeting people and convincing them that I'm worth talking to. I generally get that "why are you here?" look.
Self-confident (in a non-cocky way) people, I appreciate you, especially those who reach out to the struggling people like me. I have a friend A. who is really good at being including and is not ashamed of being herself. I want to be more like her. I want to have confidence in every step, an aura of approachability, and a contagious personality. I want to be confident.
Anyone that is successful at this: tips for the rest of us?
-M
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